13 Helpful Party Tips From theStar Wars Holiday Special

The Star Wars Holiday Special is legendarily bad , and it dwell up to every part of that fable . air once in 1978 and never again , it ’s a travesty that makes Jar Jar Binks seem both understated and dignified . But that ’s not to say it ’s entirely without benefit ! In fact , it ’s full of helpful wind for throwing a perfect political party for your friends and family this season — all of which we ’ve gathered here , so you do n’t have the agonizing experience of see the goddam matter . take on to ensure your holiday fest is as festive as can be , and I promise you , I am making none of this up .

1) Remember, the holidays are first and foremost about family and loved ones.

Before you plan any company , it ’s worthwhile to take a moment to think about what ’s significant … and who ’s important . For example , the Star Wars Holiday Special focus primarily on Chewbacca ’s household — his wife Malla , his father Itchy , and his son Lumpy — as they await their furry patriarch ’s return for the Wookiee vacation called Life Day . alas , he ’s late , because he and Han Solo are being pursued by the Empire , mainly in the form of reused footage from Star Wars . I do n’t know what was so important Chewie risked missing his people ’s most important and goofiest ceremonial occasion , but he should have prioritise better .

2) Be inclusive.

It ’s a no - brainer , but it pay to recall not everyone observe Christmas , and it does n’t be you anything to call your get - together a holiday party alternatively of a Christmas party . It ’ll help all your guest sense welcome and included , quite unlike the Holiday Special , which begins with nine brutal minute of the three Wookiees ununderstandably growling at each other , without subtitles . See for yourself . ( banter . Do n’t watch this movie or any of the clips below . You will repent it . )

3) A holiday party can be a great time to make new friends!

While loved ones should be your precedence , the spirit of the time of year should move you to ask for a few newcomer to your festivities , particularly if they seem like they might be expend their holidays all alone . That certainly was the case for The Honeymooners ’ Art Carney , who recreate Saun Dann , a local human trader on the Wookiee planet of Kashyyyk who stops by to help Chewie ’s family out and provide the interview with some badly , badly needed English dialogue . Dialogue such as take Malla , “ You get any more of them Wookiee - Cookies ? ” Guy , it ’s just so bad .

4) Carefully plan your party preparation time.

Decorating , cooking , clean — there ’s a circumstances that involve to be done before your first guest come , and if you do n’t make a well - intend - out game design forwards of fourth dimension , you flow the risk of exposure having to rush through steps , which can lead to disaster . For illustration , Malla tries her best to do cook a “ Bantha Surprise ” ( sigh ) by watch a cookery instruction video from “ Chef Gormaanda ” ( sigh ) . The chef is play by The Carol Burnett Show ’s Harvey Korman in retarding force and with four arm , with the “ gag ” being that Malla ca n’t keep up with Gormaanda ’s enraged four - fortify mixing . Korman appears as two other type in the special , both also painfully unfunny .

5) A really good party doesn’t need entertainment.

Get enough mass , a few decorations , some good music , and a fully stock bar , and everyone should love themselves without the need for you to show a vacation moving-picture show , or play secret plan that could drudge your company to a halt . For example , in the video above , Lumpy takes time to view whatever the fuck that was , and it feel like being stuck in an endless nightmare tornado full of people jazz around about in bright colour in leotards .

6) That said, if you need to get kids out of the way, feel free to sit them in front of the TV.

The holiday are a meddling time , and it can be ruffianly to oversee kids while trying to get everything else done . The simplest solution is to just stick them in front of the TV , as Malla does to Lumpy to keep him occupied when Stormtroopers get at their treehouse look for Chewbacca . It worked out for both Lumpy and the audience , because unlike the mediocre gymnastics nightmare from the beginning of the exceptional , this mean the audience got to see an animated brusk star Luke , Han , and the introduction of future Empire Strikes Back lineament Boba Fett . It ’s literally the only slightly - estimable part of the full Holiday Special .

7) Don’t give people pornography as a gift.

If part of your party includes gift - gift , seek to think of something that ’s heedful , reasonably price , and , uh , is n’t porn ? As insane as it sound , in what is objectively the most horrible moment in a horrible , horrible experience , a leer Saun Dann gives Itchy a “ computer storage chip ” for what is essentially a VR simulator , and when I say “ memory chip ” I intend “ porn . ”

A virtual woman appears , played by actress / singer Diahann Carroll , who wears a diaphanous dress and talk of the town seductively to the aged Wookiee , telling him that “ we can have a near time ” and how she finds the gross , shriveled alien to be “ adorable , ” before breathily asking him to “ have me , ” all while Itchy moans and twitch and scram more and more excited . All while you have to look out , and it take eternally , and it ’s horrifying , so ugly , and oh my god how did anyone suppose this nightmare was OK ! ?

8) If you do give people pornography as a gift, don’t give them interspecies pornography.

You might reckon a Wookiee would be interested in pick up other Wookiees have vivid social intercourse , but Itchy ’s taste perception are a bit more alien . Carroll does n’t play an foreign , just a human womanhood . It ’s Itchy ’s arrant phantasy , as the script lead out of its way to mark . “ I do n’t have to enquire how you find me . After all , I am your fantasy , ” Carroll say temptingly . “ I exist for you . I am as you make me . Oh , yes . I can find my creation , ” she giggle in joy .

9) If you give people interspecies pornography as a gift, do not let them watch it in the living room in front of people.

There ’s got to be a boundary , guys .

10) Caroling can be a fun way to end the night.

A radical sing - along at the oddment of the evening can be a nice way to cap off a good vacation party . Not everyone enjoys singing , but if a certain amount of drinking has been pass away on , lips and tongue may be loosened . Of course , it should be a grouping determination , rather of someone just belt out out a song , much as Princess Leia does during the Wookiee ’s Life Day ceremony . style “ A solar day to Celebrate , ” it seems to have been intended to be sung to the tune of the Star Wars main idea , but very much is not , and admit words such as “ We celebrate a daytime of peacefulness , a daylight of harmoniousness / A day of joy we can all divvy up joyously . ” Despite all its joyous joy , the song was not destined to become a holiday classic in any galaxy .

11) Be tolerant of other people’s beliefs.

If you attend a political party that does have specific traditions or spiritual affiliations , you should never calumniate them , no matter how odd they may seem to you . For case , even though the Wookiee holiday of Life Day seems to dwell exclusively of Chewbacca and his category catch light bulbs , putting on red gown , and then literally walk through the saturnine void of space into an actual star , do n’t point out the utter insanity of the ceremony , or how they should all be dead .

12) If you’re a guest, don’t overstay your welcome.

Unless your horde walk into a goddamned star , it can sometimes be tough to tell when a party is twine up . You do n’t want to be that last guy wire in the place who does n’t cognise when It ’s time to go home . It ’s a coarse enough job that The Golden Girls ’ Bea Arthur , moonlighting as a raw bartender in the Mos Eisley cantina describe Ackmena , announces last call for her customers and then has to sing “ Goodnight , But Not Goodbye . ” In my opinion , it ’s the most tolerable live - action scene in the whole special .

13) Do not invite Harrison Ford to your holiday party.

He does not require to be there . He will not say anything , but he will radiate his displeasure until he meet his societal and/or contractual duty to attend and then he will leave behind as soon as is humanly possible .

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Chewbacca’s horrible son Lumpy watches something horrible during the horrible Holiday Special.